“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus
As I sat in my room yesterday evening, I pondered the wild reality that God truly has given me all the desires of my heart. That’s not to say life doesn’t present me with countless trials day after day, but when I really look deep, everything I’ve always longed for, I have. And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’ve stopped striving for it all. I’ve spent several years downsizing my life, possessions, activities, thoughts, relationships, everything. In essence, I’ve broken up with attachment and it has been such a freeing experience. And I’ve replaced all those attachments with an unshakable faith and relationship with God.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” – Psalm 37:4 (ESV)
I have an incredible husband and children with a peaceful and loving home life. I’m a successful, self-employed artist and business woman getting to do pretty much all the things I’m good at and love with an great team of people while supporting my family financially. The mental health struggles and addiction that plagued me for most of my life are gone. And all my family’s needs seem to get met month after month, even when they show up unexpectedly at the last possible minute. We still face some big challenges with health and finances, but God continues to be oh so good to us.
But one thing that has continually hurt the past several years is a loneliness and longing for a local community of likeminded Christian women.
Since I decided to follow hard after God back in 2013, I’ve either walked away from or lost just about every friendship I had. My two childhood besties both live out of state and our lives have gone in very different directions. I still care about them deeply, but with the distance and different world views, it’s just not the same anymore. So other than my husband, I’ve been lonely for a very long time. He is truly my best friend which is an awesome thing. But I think we ladies, especially the mamas, really need sisterhood or we get a little bit stir crazy. This past week though some things have changed and the loneliness has finally started to fade away as I’ve entered into some new friendships.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” – C.S. Lewis
God’s plan for my life never ceases to amaze me. The more it unfolds before my eyes, the more it takes my breathe away. My words can’t even do it justice. When I look back over the past three decades I can so clearly see the hell I’ve walked through. But there is something more, something beautful interwoven amongst all the sorrow. And it’s strong enough to light up all the darkest nights of my life. God is with me, He always has been in every moment.
I don’t know what is to come with these newfound friendships, but right this moment, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like maybe I’ve found a sisterhood again. And I’m once gain left in awe as I see God providing for me in such beautiful ways. So with Him on my side, I’m taking a leap forward into new relationships with sisters in Christ beside me.