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Five Years and A Lot of Life Later

Today is my five year anniversary of being prescription medication free. After 15 years of psychiatric treatment, I woke up on November 1, 2013 for my first morning after psych meds. It was a painful day, I remember that most vividly, but it was also kind of a blur. The night before, as I got ready for bed, I knew the next morning would be difficult. Anyone who has ever gone through withdrawals for a psychiatric medication or any drug really will likely know why I say this. Drug withdrawal is an excruciating process in so many ways. And I spent an entire year going through the process week by week to taper off the multiple medications that had consumed so much of my life. These words below are a tidbit from the past…

October 31, 2013

Tonight is the first night I haven’t taken my medication over a decade. If you haven’t been following my progress, don’t worry, it’s all part of the plan. For the past year I have been working with my doctor to taper off psychiatric medication in order to become pregnant. What I didn’t realize was that the process of doing this would completely change my life in ways I never thought possible. And all for the better.

I have no intention of taking psychotropic medication ever again. I know I am going to have my challenges without prescription drugs, but life WITH them was just as hard in other ways. Now that I am discontinuing their use I am realizing just how strong of a hold these drugs had on me. If you’ve ever had to go through withdrawals from psych meds or any mind altering drug then you know what I mean. It’s not fun and there are a lot of complications and side effects that can accompany drug usage and withdrawal. Just because it’s a prescription from a doctor does not by any means reduce the potential for some nasty side effects and mind altering experiences. Drugs are dangerous. Period.

I’ve been through this enough times already to know that tomorrow is going to be a very big challenge for me. I’m frustrated because today was the first day I was starting to feel better from the week long depression I’ve been dealing with from my last medication change. Despite all the intense grown up stuff that is on my plate right now, I was finally feeling more like myself again today. But I know I’m going to wake up tomorrow and either feel overly energetic and psychotic, be completely lifeless from depression, or be puking my brains out. Or much more likely some fun combination of the three… 

… Once I sign off on this post I know that it will be time to face my bed and accept the challenges that await me in the morning. Peace and blessings to you all.

After spending the majority of my life at that point as a mental patient, an addict, and complete wreck of a life, waking up that morning, I had no idea what was ahead of me. As I walked out into the freedom of my psychiatric liberation, I knew everything was about to change. And sure enough, it did change, beyond my wildest dreams. Five years later, I feel the best I’ve ever felt in my life. I still have hard days, we all do. But there’s no longer a pharma fog keeping me trapped like a zombie. God healed me and in an instant SO much pain and trauma was washed clean and I was forever changed. After all those years of darkness, God finally got my attention enough to lead me out into the light of Christ. I’ve since then met and married the love of my life, started a family, successfully grown my own business (two actually), healed countless broken pieces in my heart after a lifetime of trauma and heartache, and so much more. God has been so good to me and everyday feels like a wild and beautiful adventure. I’m just thankful to actually be able to feel it all finally, all the joys and sorrows. Thank you LORD for the second chance at life. Glory to GOD!

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