“As it stands, motherhood is a sort of wilderness through which each woman hacks her way, part martyr, part pioneer; a turn of events from which some women derive feelings of heroism, while others experience a sense of exile from the world they knew.” – Rachel Cusk
12 months of motherhood. It’s hard to believe. January 18 marks my baby’s first birthday. And the past year has been probably the most chaotic, sleepless, stressful, and wonderful year of my life. I can’t remember the last time I got a good night’s sleep, that the house stayed clean for more than a day, or that I had an extended period of quiet alone time. But I tell you, I also cannot remember a time in my life when I felt more love, joy, and excitement than I have this past year.
Not only did our spirited little one join the family this past year, but I’ve also had the pleasure of becoming a full-time stepmother to the most kind, intelligent, and helpful soon to be 13 year old I’ve ever met. He is wise beyond his years. I am so honored to be such a big part of his daily life and see him grow and mature.
I spend the majority of my time at home caring for my family and it’s such a delight to spend my days with this spunky toddler and inspiring teenager. When I met my husband, I not only met the greatest love of my life, but I gained a amazing family as well. I’ve also been blessed to witness from afar the lives and growth of my husband’s four adult children, all of whom are amazingly talented and insightful young adults. All in all, I’m really digging this motherhood thing.
A Marriage I’m Proud to Show Our Children
As much as I adore our children, at the core of my heart and soul the past year is my husband and our marriage. Aside from my devotion to God, I put my marriage above everything else. But by putting my marriage at the top of my list, I am also putting our children’s well-being up there as well. Giving them a calm home filled with love and no yelling is priceless and something that many children rarely see. Sure we have our disagreements, but yelling is something you will never see us do. When we have conflict as a couple it stays between us and only us. Period. Calm and compassionate communication, shared intimacy, and solidarity are at the foundation of our union. They are things we are both equally committed to bringing to the relationship.
I am so happy to be joined with this man; To be able to give our children a peaceful and loving home. He is the most compassionate and supportive person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. Witnessing his personal journey over the past year has also been a heart warming experience. He has shown me support and understanding like no person ever has. And I am blessed beyond measure to have him as my partner in this life and the father of our children.
As I move forward into 2016, I don’t have many big plans. Mainly my focus is to spend time on my health and family. I’m trying my best to live one day at a time and enjoy each moment I have with the ones dearest to my heart. The past year has been difficult but enlightening. I’ve grown immensely over the past 12 months. And throughout the great adversity I’ve faced, I’ve found myself closer to God than ever before. It’s funny how difficult times have the potential to unlock such beautiful truths about ourselves and reality. I don’t know if I’ll write again tomorrow or in a month or never, but today I felt like writing. And even though I got next to no sleep last night, I’m feeling hopeful, happy, and healthy. Hopefully over the next few months my body will follow that trend. Until then, I carry on, in love with it all.